BLACK FRIDAY – A Pornstar’s Account from the Front Lines!
I don’t really watch too much TV except for Nip/Tuck and CSI marathons on Spike TV (still waiting for my shot at playing a dead stripper being autopsied). I have a habit of spending inordinate amounts of time with my laptop surfing the net instead.
About 2 weeks ago, I had a sudden fizzle in my hard drive… a meltdown that resulted in a dilemma – being forced to watch TV for enjoyment (other than the usual forms of enjoyment that you usually expect from pornstars). I usually buy everything online but was hit with advert after advert after advert of ‘Black Friday – Doorbusters!’ I have heard of ‘Bra Busters’ so I figured I should look into it. Rather than some aptly named adult title, it seemed somehow I had been missing out on the time honored holiday tradition of getting up at 5 in the morning and going shopping for ridiculously priced gifts and other items at local malls! What was I thinking buying online when I could get up at a ridiculous time of day and head to the mall? Duh!
Now, I must admit that I did a double take when I saw that Best Buy was going to be opening at 5am. But when I saw that a quad core computer with 1TB was for sale WITH a 22 inch monitor and a bunch of goodies for a ridiculous price…. I decided to get into the holiday spirit and head over to my local Best Buy and pick me up one of those bad boys….. the computer that is. I figured anyone with a Geek Squad was worth checking out especially if they could hook me up with a loaded kick ass computer to create porn (I love my geeks!).
So yes, I set my alarm for 4.15 am. The ad said ‘you can start getting tickets at 2 am’ but I thought who in their right mind would get up at 4 in the morning to go to Best Buy? I mean, it is not exactly a concert right? I must admit that when the alarm rang, I thought about backing out but that would not be festive. So I threw on a short skirt, a see through top, no panties and 6 inch heels (just fooling you – 6 inch heels are not appropriate at 4 in the morning unless you are heading back from a strip joint) and headed over to Best Buy – in the complete dark of night. It is kind of cool driving at that time of the night/morning. It is just about the time most people are just coming back from one night stands – not shopping. It seemed that my excursion was going to be fun and my computer dilemmas solved by the time the sun came up.
Now, I expected a few people and cars at Best Buy- a few brave souls as much into GigaBytes and hard drives as me. But what I came upon was quite shocking – a parking lot full of cars and a line around the block of folks anxiously waiting to pick up 50 inch TV’s, $80 Tom Tom’s, and yes…. the computer I wanted to buy. A gang of shoppers all looking as if they had camped out on the street for about 3 days (I guess one or two did).
Turn around? Intimidated? No way! Someone would let me jump the line right? Errrr no. If the guys at the door were from the Geek Squad they must have tried out for linebacker at the local college. Not only that but they were backed up by the local police – guns ready just in case the crowd got rowdy.
A ‘rowdy’ group of shoppers? No way this crowd could get rowdy right? Having said that… as I made my way through the line I could not help but see that some folks had been camping out…. graciously leaving empty beer bottles behind. As the doors opened to the store, a cackle of jeers rang out and the final push towards the promised land of Best Buy started. Making it inside relatively unscathed I tracked down the cutest Geek Squad dude I could grab and asked to buy my prized 1TB steal of a deal. He pointed at a long and exasperated line of folks and said, ‘grab a ticket, get in the line, and see if they have it when you get to the cashier’. Looking at the item I wanted my Geek Squader said ‘you might have better luck with another model’. It seemed no amount of thrusting out my chest was helping the situation. Since when did geeks stop giving extra attention to bouncing boobles? My damsel in distress act was a complete failure.
It had now been almost 3 hours since I had gotten up. My nervous system was going into shock from not having the usual dose of Starbucks bold that I imbibe every morning. Yes, I left Best Buy empty handed. No 1TB for me. No harddrive purring away with newly loaded adult content this day after Thanksgiving. I went to another couple of stores just in case Best Buy had attracted all of the early morning shoppers. Target? Looked like the parking lot at a Def Leppard concert. Walmart? Looked like Ozzfest had come and gone.
The moral of this story? What was I thinking?!?!?!?!?!?! Everything that you want in life can be purchased online – even me!! I can categorically state that this is is LAST time you see me on the day after Thanksgiving at a local Best Buy in a short skirt, a see through top, no panties and 5 inch heels.
Beam me up Scotty – these people are waaaay too much into shopping!!